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“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered. Friendship - social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles. What value do your friendships bring into your life? Who is it that you are sure of? With the rise of social media friendships can be defined or erased with one click or categorisation. Like for a shout out! Share, bare your soul on chat to just one person or surround yourselves with the anecdotes of hundreds, even thousands. This morning's article on Linked in... I've just tried to find it again to post a link but like many BFO's I've missed the moment it's gone replaced by a whole stream of new influencers out to share with us the best tips to living a better life - the gist of it was how to grow your social profile - the writer gains some 300 connections a day with the preferred means being linked in and twitter. Their facebook page sits around 3000, their twit feed 50, 000. I realised in comparison, how few friends I have. I was an only child for 15 years until my fab half siblings entered the picture, I'm all good with time on my own. Crave it, seek it at times. Until I'm the lonely child and then I realise my team sport skills suck, my ability to share my toys is non existent, I struggle not to be judgemental or to play fair. I may not let friends know how much I care. “It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” Some friends we will DO anything to stay in touch. We drop everything when they ring, travel the globe to be near them. It maybe a party or an emergency, or just because we and they exist. These connections define our boundaries of engagement. How close we are, the things we share, the friends that we hope still care. These are the connections that remain even when we are years apart. Maybe we can't be there with them each and every time, yet we know we love them. When we do link up we pick up where we left off. After years or lifetimes as though no space exists between us at all. Those to whom our behavior needs no explanation. Who seem to not even notice when we can't show up, who put up when we stuff up . Those that send us pictures of cinnabon, can get our attention with a yeah yeah yeah. Those who turn up for a coffee and to pick up some pumpkins just because they know that you want them around today, without having to say why or when just because you are friends. They may not be like us, the can come from all stages of life - first friends, school friends old or new friends. The connection is not determined by how long, how well or how we know each other ...it just is. The treasures of the 4 am-ers is insurmountable we may have loved together, grieved together, lived or worked together. These are the wet your pants laughing kind of friendships, the memories we carry through eternity friendships. The ones that know what, who and how we love. The ones we hope to die before so that we may never have to grieve their loss. Our bff's, partners, husbands, wives, kids, cousins, siblings, pets, lady in the village dairy, neighbours, or clients for some reason the bond is unbreakable. We may have met through another friend. Affair like guilt that we connect - what is it that makes us get on so well? A past life link, soul group, mutual passion for Patron or a longing to be in club orange? Will you be my friend? “Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.' 'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.” Some of our friendships are surprising, the heights they take us , the experiences they bring to our lives, the risk of being so close to each other that we risk harm. The times we realise we really do get along and have things that each of us value to exchange. We don't need to talk or network or gain anything other than the experience of being together. These are precious moments in friendship and in time. We don't need to tell each other about them, we don't need to affirm that we are there for each other we just are in the moment DO-ing what it is that friends DO together. Hanging as friends hang, sharing a moment, a laugh, a secret handshake. A love or loathe of something or someone. The things that bind us are as diverse as our friendships themselves. “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” Helen Keller This morning I may have walked with some of my most enjoyable friends yet the weather was iffy and my mood doubly so - I went alone or so I thought until I looked around and saw my furry friends, mans best friend, my fur babies those I hug and cry on, run and roll with, care and pet. I thought of friends past, friends new and friends that I miss even though we see each other often. After my walk I went for breakfast - alone and ran into my village. Friends from work, friends from my children's class, friends I've met at parties and friendships that were not meant to last. The warmth of prospective friendships from those new to our town, friends I did not want to bother because they looked so wrapped in their own lives on days off , at home or work, no doubt busy with all the things a day brings. It made me realise I was very alone. You come in alone and go out alone and anything in between is a blessing. To the diversity of my friendships, for all the lessons you have learnt me, for all the moments we have laughed and cried I thank you. I disagree with social exchange theory that there must be costs and rewards before we exchange friendship. That the value of our friendship is how far it will take us or what it will make us. I disagree with attachment style, with dialetics, equity theory - I negate the science. The best thing about friendship is the magic of it, the not knowing really how or why it works at all. The understanding that our friends turn up when we least expect them, when we probably deserve them least of all. That the bucket is bottomless and that friendships are one of life's most precious gifts. That you never really know who will be your friend until they are. Until they turn up where or when you need them. When you reach out a hand and they are there, in the light or the dark waiting, ready to share. Value friendship it's everywhere. Why is it," he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?"
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